new moon in cancer+coconut ice cream for Ganesha

At the solstice, my family and I sometimes go to join my friend Jennifer and her family and some others down at Ocean Beach for a good old fashioned, non-magick pagan potluck. We have fun, drink beer and jump over the fire and maybe into the ocean, if it's not too cold. But the summer solstice is also our wedding anniversary, and so that generally takes precedence, as was the case this year. Plus Reclaiming had their Solstice ritual in the Pagan ghetto area of the beach (where it's legal to have a fire), and I had a feeling it would be crowded and crazy and silly and maybe full of naked people getting arrested, so I took a pass for that reason too. I heard from my Reclaiming friends that all went well, and I'm glad. I am also glad I wasn't there, and have not checked in yet with Jen to see what it was like from her perspective, as a non-participating witness to one of Reclaiming's biggest rituals of the year, but if I know her she was likely amused, annoyed, and hoping they'll go back to the old spot next year (as I have heard is likely). So at this turn of the wheel, I went with my family for a walk on the beach in Half Moon Bay, and had a lovely time hanging out and BBQing with friends in our backyard later on. This year, my backyard provided enough solstice magick for me. The sun had it's longest day, and many things were illuminated and made clear, in their own ways, with no magick or even any ritual involved. Some years it's like that.

The work I have been doing since Ostara has been mainly about dissolving hardness where softness is needed, setting appropriate boundaries in my relationships and with myself, and letting go of obstacles. It became apparent recently that the most detrimental obstacles are the ones I create for myself. At Yoni Puja, I asked Maa for forgiveness, of myself and others....and for the next two weeks I faced wave upon wave of bitterness, anger and regret. Many surprising tears. Clearly, I was not even close to accepting the kind of cosmic bliss and spiritual letting go I thought I wanted. And so I've realized that before I can forgive anyone, even myself, what I really need to take a look at are the impediments within me to the spiritual action I am feeling called to take.

On the Monday after solstice, however, my lovely coven gathered for a new moon and solstice working. The evening summer sun was blazing in the window of our host's 7th floor apartment, warming and illuminating all of us and clearing away shadows, even as it created new ones. We had decided that we would be working with Ganesha to remove obstacles and ask for guidance. It was the new moon in Cancer, a good time for starting new things, and letting go of old ones. We called him in, offering treats and songs, and all of our love and devotion. And he showed up, for me, with his wives on his arms, and looking fabulous-kind of a Las Vegas headliner Ganapati.

I asked him to remove the obstacles I had been finding, to forgiveness and self-love. "They are all inside you" he said. "my stubbornness" I said, and he replied "No, you need that!" He told me that at this time all that is required of me is to wait (at which I suck, as those who know me well can attest) and he showed me the location inside myself from which I must wait, in my heart chakra, with a big shiny elfstar as the focal point, the anchor.

Later, we did divination with tea leaves, something I had not tried before. It turned out to be another thing that I suck at, which annoyed me a lot as I am in general pretty good at divination, but not tea leaves. It looked like, you know, wet leaves to me. But other people were able to do it quite well, and read my cup for me. It looks like the waiting will go on for quite a while. At least I know where my chair is.